End of Summer with Ralphie May and Paris Hilton's arrest

 IT's here, Labor Day.  As usual summer flew by and now it's time for our annual LABOR DAY BASH and this year we celebrate with non other than RALPHIE MAY.  Ralphie, one of LAST COMIC STANDINGS BIGGEST BREAKOUT STARS is an act who just keeps getting hotter.  His COMEDY CENTRAL SPECIALS and regular appearances on the biggest radio shows on the air have made him a hot ticket.  ORDER YOURS NOW and join us for what will be the greatest Labor Day Show ever.  SHOWS are THURS - SATURDAY.  

As you know Paris Hilton got arrested this week for cocaine.  Now I don't know about you, but dammit, this woman is a star!  She can't be expected to keep producing the type of work that she has without a little help!  The go - go - go of it all.  Between her work as a, a, a.... I'm sorry, what does she do again?  Oh, that's right, she's an heiress.  That's a full time job people.  She's expected to be perfect.  Why, the pressure of carrying a little dog all the time alone would drive a woman to drugs.  I say let Paris go!  We need heiresses like her and pinching her for coke is throwing money down the drain, or up the straw as it were.